An Asperger Diagnosis. 

Imagine you have a lovely new 64 GB iPhone. Huge memory, nice camera and great inbuilt apps! Except that this one has not one, but two faults and you lost the receipt already. Firstly, some of the crucial apps have bugs that need fixing but the darn things won’t update. They either keep shutting down without warning or they freeze the entire screen so that you can’t access your phone at all. Secondly, all of your apps stay open in the background all of the freakin’ time: slowing the processing speed and killing the battery within a couple of hours. Oh, and I nearly forgot, the keyboard keeps abruptly changing languages as well.

Gentle reader, this is my brain. My high IQ and pretty creative but ultimately Asperger functioning brain.

I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome last week. While my high gigabyte (IQ) brain has some apps that work really well – I learned to read fluently well before school, and had grade 8s in piano, viola and theory at age 18 with minimal work – there are some rogue apps (natural social skills, communication skills, ability to process spoken instructions and co-ordination skills) that shut off or cause extreme stress at a moments notice. I also have to work incredibly hard at filtering out the sounds, visuals and smells of daily life that I think most people take for granted the majority of the time, resulting in a flat mental battery after any social interaction whether recreational or for work. After a mere four hours of work I have to shut off for a good two hours before I can function again. An evening being social and I am hungover the next day. I don’t even drink!

And that pesky keyboard function I mentioned? Under stress or when I’m tired I either speak complete gibberish or I can only communicate with head movements or pointing.

My diagnosis coupled with some resultant obsessive reading around the subject has helped me to finally understand that while I have been rather hazy I have not been crazy or lazy for my entire life.

The times I have been accused of rudeness or insensitivity; of “being a drama queen” and not “just getting on with it,” of being superficial or of overthinking have not been my fault. The fact that I had to study other people’s facial expressions and body language in order to learn not to have “resting bitch face” or to at least give the impression of seeming normal; that I struggled to make or maintain friendships because I was weird and embarrassing or that I only had one boyfriend before I hooked up with my husband aged 28. That I’d had three breakdowns before I even hit my twenties. These do not mean that I was stupid or weak. They were just signs of my autistic brain. And now I know that I can learn to work with it rather than despite of it I’m kind of excited!

It doesn’t look like I’m going to be able to get a software update any time soon but I can at least train myself to turn the ringer volume down and to keep a spare battery charger with me. And if you see me with a frozen or flashing screen please know I’m not doing it deliberately, but I might just need a bit of tech support!

I’ll get back to the detox stuff next time I post. I’ve got some ideas for you on the back burner. Love to you all, Flojo xx

Related

How Flojo got her Mojo Back

Connection. A Gentle Rant. 

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16 thoughts on “An Asperger Diagnosis. 

  1. Great to hear from you, I was wondering how you were. I missed you. Thank you for your openness in what must be interesting (to say the least) times. I hope this helps you in the long run of a better understanding of how you are. I’ve just read the GAPS book by Natasha Cambell McBride. I know it’s not the same, but it was so insightful as she went into the depth of development and how it affects cognition.
    I can understand the chaos of too much input stimulus. I wear industrial ear defenders (covered in material to look like ear muffs) when I commute on the train and the tube. It doesn’t stop all noise, but it does help a bit.
    Take care and a big (gentle) hug x

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Nic! Good to hear from you too, hope you are well! I read the GAPs book years ago and thought it was really interesting and just started to re-read it yesterday with a view to at least partially following it. Luckily I implemented quite a bit of it a while back as it’s very similar to the Weston A Price guidelines.
      I love the idea of your ear-muff-defenders! Might steal that, thank you 🙂
      You take care too lovely lady xx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I think the two can be incorporated well together. Good luck with it all. I’m gonna have to think of something for the summer. Ear muffs in the heat may not be too great 🙂 xx

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Well I’ll be darned!! I TRULY understand autism and aspergers! I worked closely with several children when I worked for the school district for 16 years. So glad you know ^^ as they have stated. I know for myself even though my problem has been labeled…it’s still rather hard for me to accept, but after several doctors with the same diagnosis…I rather have to concede!! 😦 Thank you for sharing this my friend💗

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  4. I love the SMART phone analogy. I have taken the step from suspected AS to being screened for it sometime within the next few weeks. Bit nervous, but at least I will know the truth one way or another 🙂

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  5. Aw, thank you! I do hope that you get the feedback you need. I’m not surprised you are nervous, you’ll definitely need to do some nice things between now and then. Look after yourself and keep me posted! X

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  6. Thank you for sharing your experience. The phone analogy is great! I’m as yet undiagnosed, but strongly suspect that I’m on the Autism Spectrum. Still coming to terms with it and deciding if I want to pursue an official diagnosis. Always good to know of others out there with similar issues. Thanks!

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